2010
raise money for charity by taking part in a model show ... win the show ... meet loads of amazing new talanted people ... go the monsterball... hang out a window in an abandoned hotel 40ft up wearing a top hat ... get tied up and have a hot blonde point a gun at me ... head to Gran Canaria to carry out an ecological survey ... stand inside a cloud ... trek into a caldera of a volcano ... demonstrate my pole dancing abilities ... do the cover of the Trinty Film Review ... model for icarus' anniversary as an angel ...have a hate page set up about me ... get a degree ... audition for a role in the new meteor tv advert and lose out to some posh git due to my accent... have some unknown person threaten to throw acid in my face ... move to San Francisco ... get offered an internship for a designer department store ... have to move home 2weeks later and turn it down ... go to glendalough with a complete stranger and wear a suit in a woods on my own ... get offered a position on tv3's 'young dump living off mum' and turn it down ... get offered an actress mother for the show ... still turn it down ... get begged to take part in 'take me out' ... turn it down ... turn 21 ... model for illamasqua make up in BT2 grafton street ... go to the monsterball again ... start a scientific thesis ... showed everyone too much in a gaga outfit ... push myself to the limit ... work hard ...
laughed so much it hurt ... cried numerous time for the first time in years ... danced myself skinny ... comfort ate myself fat ... kissed many frogs, none of which turned out to be a prince ... counted the days off i had on one hand ... collapsed out of stress ... diagnosed with suffering from exhaustion ... drank too much ... said things i shouldnt have ... wore things i shouldnt have ... saw the real side of people ... said goodbye to some people and hello to new people ... regretted nothing
What did you do in 2010 ... watch out 2011 i have plans for you ....
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Final
Lately its all about the word final. I finally turned 21 and entered into my final year of my university degree. Alot has been going on lately and i have finally got my confidence back.
After a long time i realised i wouldnt be waiting around for someone anymore. Sometimes its necessary to make a decision that doesnt rest easy on your heart but it wouldnt be called a neccessary decision if it wasnt necessary. This is my final decesion on that matter. I know ive made the right decesion because in 5yrs time i will be able to tell myself there was no more i could do. But could you say the same, it is often you dont realise what you have until its long gone.
Final year in university, whats next? I wish i was able to give it all my concentration but i cant. There is no point in spending all ones time concentrating on the future if one doesnt live past tomorrow. Do you need to concentrate on living until tomorrow? Not if everything is handed to you on a plate. Are you 25 and living at home with your parents? If you answered yes then you dont need to concentrate.
It has also finally emerged in my mind recently that there is very few of us left. And by us i mean honest caring people. Did you need to tell that lie ? Did you need to drag me into your lie ? Did you need to try and justify your cheating ?
Can you trust in someone who lies and decieves other people and then tells you about it ? Should that just be can you trust someone ?
Have people finally lost the plot ? Have you finally lost the best thing that ever happened to you ? Is this the final or just the final of round one ?
xoxo
Are you For Serious
After a long time i realised i wouldnt be waiting around for someone anymore. Sometimes its necessary to make a decision that doesnt rest easy on your heart but it wouldnt be called a neccessary decision if it wasnt necessary. This is my final decesion on that matter. I know ive made the right decesion because in 5yrs time i will be able to tell myself there was no more i could do. But could you say the same, it is often you dont realise what you have until its long gone.
Final year in university, whats next? I wish i was able to give it all my concentration but i cant. There is no point in spending all ones time concentrating on the future if one doesnt live past tomorrow. Do you need to concentrate on living until tomorrow? Not if everything is handed to you on a plate. Are you 25 and living at home with your parents? If you answered yes then you dont need to concentrate.
It has also finally emerged in my mind recently that there is very few of us left. And by us i mean honest caring people. Did you need to tell that lie ? Did you need to drag me into your lie ? Did you need to try and justify your cheating ?
Can you trust in someone who lies and decieves other people and then tells you about it ? Should that just be can you trust someone ?
Have people finally lost the plot ? Have you finally lost the best thing that ever happened to you ? Is this the final or just the final of round one ?
xoxo
Are you For Serious
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Much to do
So at the end of this summer i will be turning 21. A scary thought i know but there isnt much i can do to avoid this event !! But i can avoid the country and thus avoiding any sort of party or gift giving people have planned.
The enormity of the event has really been playing on my mind recently. Not in the aging way but in the "ive so much to do before im 30 way". By 30 i want the dream job, the dream car, the dream nose and to have just purchased the dream plot of land on to which i will build the dream house. Enough money to travel the world on exotic holidays. In a discuission with a friend recently i told them this and they said what about marriage? Marriage i said ? To be honest it wasnt in my plan, not because i didnt want it to be but rather i had totally not even considered there would be an opportunity for me to get married. If i have the dream house, car and job i would be happy right? I want to do it on my own, and i have always been like this. Its a stubborn trait of mine but what if i do it all and stick to my plan and find im wandering around my dream house cleaning and realise im lonely. I dont want to be a male version of a cat lady!!
So now the question is do i alter my plans of what my priorities are before im 30, or do i just leave the marriage priority to be between 30 and 40. Failing to plan is planning to fail! But are life plans completely pointless.
I mean look what has happened to me in the last 6months never mind 10 years. I got a degree, won a modelling contest, did a front cover of a magazine, had my half naked body plastered acrossed notice boards and projected onto the side of buildings, done an ecolgical survey of a valley in gran caneria, had a nasty hate facebook page set up againts me, moved to San Francisco only to come home again, worked my ass off, auditioned for a meteor t.v advert, realised men are bastards. But bastards are good. And found out who my genuine friends are.
Maybe life goals are slighty more realistic. Rules are made to be broken and it my perogative to change my mind. But once i get going there is no stopping me. Bring it on 21
xoxo
Are You For Serious
The enormity of the event has really been playing on my mind recently. Not in the aging way but in the "ive so much to do before im 30 way". By 30 i want the dream job, the dream car, the dream nose and to have just purchased the dream plot of land on to which i will build the dream house. Enough money to travel the world on exotic holidays. In a discuission with a friend recently i told them this and they said what about marriage? Marriage i said ? To be honest it wasnt in my plan, not because i didnt want it to be but rather i had totally not even considered there would be an opportunity for me to get married. If i have the dream house, car and job i would be happy right? I want to do it on my own, and i have always been like this. Its a stubborn trait of mine but what if i do it all and stick to my plan and find im wandering around my dream house cleaning and realise im lonely. I dont want to be a male version of a cat lady!!
So now the question is do i alter my plans of what my priorities are before im 30, or do i just leave the marriage priority to be between 30 and 40. Failing to plan is planning to fail! But are life plans completely pointless.
I mean look what has happened to me in the last 6months never mind 10 years. I got a degree, won a modelling contest, did a front cover of a magazine, had my half naked body plastered acrossed notice boards and projected onto the side of buildings, done an ecolgical survey of a valley in gran caneria, had a nasty hate facebook page set up againts me, moved to San Francisco only to come home again, worked my ass off, auditioned for a meteor t.v advert, realised men are bastards. But bastards are good. And found out who my genuine friends are.
Maybe life goals are slighty more realistic. Rules are made to be broken and it my perogative to change my mind. But once i get going there is no stopping me. Bring it on 21
xoxo
Are You For Serious
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Hot Mess
I know you fancy yourself as a sexy bitch
It's in the way that you walk
Do you kiss your mother with those expensive lips?
You sure got expensive talk
Well your lavish life might appear delicious
But not particula-larly nutritious
Cause you need it
Don't you baby
No you're nothing without their gazes
They don't love you
They are strangers
Look how far you have come
You're amazing, you're amazing
Well you worked so hard just to shed the shackles of anonymity
Now every one knows ya and they're all talking
But not favourably
If you wipe the Bolivian from the mirror
You just might see things a little clearer
And you wonder why the people can't stop looking
It's exactly what you want us to do
Everybody's at you for their one hot minute
We've all got to pick a bigger piece of you
Baby... You're a hot mess
Sam Sparro LOVE
Are You For Serious
xoxo
It's in the way that you walk
Do you kiss your mother with those expensive lips?
You sure got expensive talk
Well your lavish life might appear delicious
But not particula-larly nutritious
Cause you need it
Don't you baby
No you're nothing without their gazes
They don't love you
They are strangers
Look how far you have come
You're amazing, you're amazing
Well you worked so hard just to shed the shackles of anonymity
Now every one knows ya and they're all talking
But not favourably
If you wipe the Bolivian from the mirror
You just might see things a little clearer
And you wonder why the people can't stop looking
It's exactly what you want us to do
Everybody's at you for their one hot minute
We've all got to pick a bigger piece of you
Baby... You're a hot mess
Sam Sparro LOVE
Are You For Serious
xoxo
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Is there anybody out there ?
Sometimes i get thinking as to why im here in this bed on my own. Why does love seem to find everyone around me, but some how always manage to avoid bumping into me. I have seen friends fall in love only to fall out of love and find someone knew a few weeks later. While me, when im not spooning me pillow, im left consoling thier break ups and encouraging their hook ups.
Are these people falling in love or are they simply the type of people who feel the need to be constanly going out with someone. Do they not enjoy their own company or is enjoying your own company simply an excuse used by us singltons. Im not so sure on this latter view, i do enjoy my own company and i wont settle with just anybody to pass the time until the right person comes along.
Is it unreasonable of me to want someone to take me on a tour of rome on a vespa, lay on some grass with me while looking at the stars, kiss me while fireworks are going off, argue with me, laugh with me, cry with me, have a food fight with me and most important love me.
And i mean love ME, not love the fact that they are no longer single. Is it because im not really into the singleton scene, maybe i have my head in the sand or maybe ill always be undesired and single, good job i like dogs they may be my future living companions.
If destiny is true and there is someone out there, come find me it cant be too hard, there aint many me's in the world. Im tired of waiting
xoxo
Are You For Serious
Are these people falling in love or are they simply the type of people who feel the need to be constanly going out with someone. Do they not enjoy their own company or is enjoying your own company simply an excuse used by us singltons. Im not so sure on this latter view, i do enjoy my own company and i wont settle with just anybody to pass the time until the right person comes along.
Is it unreasonable of me to want someone to take me on a tour of rome on a vespa, lay on some grass with me while looking at the stars, kiss me while fireworks are going off, argue with me, laugh with me, cry with me, have a food fight with me and most important love me.
And i mean love ME, not love the fact that they are no longer single. Is it because im not really into the singleton scene, maybe i have my head in the sand or maybe ill always be undesired and single, good job i like dogs they may be my future living companions.
If destiny is true and there is someone out there, come find me it cant be too hard, there aint many me's in the world. Im tired of waiting
xoxo
Are You For Serious
Monday, May 31, 2010
FAME
"Doing it for the fame, cos we want to live the life of the rich and famous"
Just wondering do you get to an age, a point in your life when you no longer live for the fame. I dont think im alone in my fame hungry views. The only thing im starving for is attention. But to be famous you need to be a celebrity which suggest something to be celebrated.
I have done it all, auditioned for reality t.v when i done things im not too proud of to get to the top, modelled which turns out to be extremely hard work and NOT glamourous, to recently acting which turns out not to be overly difficult when you have a life time of experience of playing up . Do you know me or do you know the person i let you know?
It no longer seems to be the american dream but the world dream. Whats left for me, a sex tape ?? Or has that been done too ? Well only time will tell, maybe someday when i make it, a tape of when i was young and niave will appear. Is this naive or is it good business skills?
Is it fame hunger, or money hunger? Well i wouldnt say no to being able to have a few nice houses and a benetly but a council house would do if there was a huge pack of paps outside it , oh and of coarse it had a walk in wardrobe.
Is there anything i would'nt do ? Do you know me? Do you?
xoxo
Are You For Serious
Just wondering do you get to an age, a point in your life when you no longer live for the fame. I dont think im alone in my fame hungry views. The only thing im starving for is attention. But to be famous you need to be a celebrity which suggest something to be celebrated.
I have done it all, auditioned for reality t.v when i done things im not too proud of to get to the top, modelled which turns out to be extremely hard work and NOT glamourous, to recently acting which turns out not to be overly difficult when you have a life time of experience of playing up . Do you know me or do you know the person i let you know?
It no longer seems to be the american dream but the world dream. Whats left for me, a sex tape ?? Or has that been done too ? Well only time will tell, maybe someday when i make it, a tape of when i was young and niave will appear. Is this naive or is it good business skills?
Is it fame hunger, or money hunger? Well i wouldnt say no to being able to have a few nice houses and a benetly but a council house would do if there was a huge pack of paps outside it , oh and of coarse it had a walk in wardrobe.
Is there anything i would'nt do ? Do you know me? Do you?
xoxo
Are You For Serious
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Confusion
Some people seem to have it so worked out. Their lives are going so well and they always show a cool calm and collected front. Unfortunatley i do not fit into this catogory, me i am wandering from day to day just doing what needs to be done without any big master plan.
And as for my front, it may be cool and calm on a sober day but add a few units to my circulatory system, which happens quite often, and all sense of shame leaves my body.
There was been the days ive a have cried needlessly in my room infront of 5/6 people, kissed people i really shouldnt have and made a late night call to someones apartment only to make an idiot of myself trying to drunkingly taking off skinny jeans.
Is this normal and others can hide it easier, or are those people who say eat a meal before drinking for soakage right?? I am a firm believer that eating is cheating, why would i want carbs soaking up expensive alcohol before it gets into my bloodstream.
Is this the reason, or is the reason behind this behaviour knowing that alcohol is quite high in calories and so cancelling out a meal makes it ok to have a few drinks. T.V shows like you are what you eat, and the likes really emphasise calorie counting. 2000 a day is healthy but less is necessary to be skinny ??
Why would someone want to be skinny, is it pressure, maybe its just easier to not eat than go to the gym? Is this behavior inhereted, do those cool calm collected people inhert it, are we all bound by genetics.
If it is inherted did i ever stand a chance at being goal focused, hum not likely. But then at least my life is interesting, eventful and dramatic and hey im only young plenty of time for all serious decision making and meal eating in the future right ??
And as for my front, it may be cool and calm on a sober day but add a few units to my circulatory system, which happens quite often, and all sense of shame leaves my body.
There was been the days ive a have cried needlessly in my room infront of 5/6 people, kissed people i really shouldnt have and made a late night call to someones apartment only to make an idiot of myself trying to drunkingly taking off skinny jeans.
Is this normal and others can hide it easier, or are those people who say eat a meal before drinking for soakage right?? I am a firm believer that eating is cheating, why would i want carbs soaking up expensive alcohol before it gets into my bloodstream.
Is this the reason, or is the reason behind this behaviour knowing that alcohol is quite high in calories and so cancelling out a meal makes it ok to have a few drinks. T.V shows like you are what you eat, and the likes really emphasise calorie counting. 2000 a day is healthy but less is necessary to be skinny ??
Why would someone want to be skinny, is it pressure, maybe its just easier to not eat than go to the gym? Is this behavior inhereted, do those cool calm collected people inhert it, are we all bound by genetics.
If it is inherted did i ever stand a chance at being goal focused, hum not likely. But then at least my life is interesting, eventful and dramatic and hey im only young plenty of time for all serious decision making and meal eating in the future right ??
What was this guy thinking ??
There was this guy, and for once all seemed to be going well in his life. He finally started to enjoy college, his job was going well, he had so many friends he could fill a truck up, relationships never seemed to go well but even this front seemed to be looking up.
In hindsight he had pretty much all anyone ever needs to get by and be happy. But he didnt realise this and so he gave up everything, packed an overweight suitcase and flew far far away in search of what ?? What was he searching for ? Now he seems to be in a foreign place where no-one knows him, having nothing to do but plenty of time, time to think and write.
Maybe this is what he came for, togather his thoughts and get away for his hetic working 7days a week lifestlye where it is hard to distuinguish between those who have your best interests at heart and those who use you as a rung on a ladder. Enough frienemys to fill a truck up!!
Who knows what the future holds for this guy, maybe it will turn out to be the best thing he ever did, or maybe a much cheeper spa weekend in donegal would have done the trick !
xoxo
Are You For Serious
In hindsight he had pretty much all anyone ever needs to get by and be happy. But he didnt realise this and so he gave up everything, packed an overweight suitcase and flew far far away in search of what ?? What was he searching for ? Now he seems to be in a foreign place where no-one knows him, having nothing to do but plenty of time, time to think and write.
Maybe this is what he came for, togather his thoughts and get away for his hetic working 7days a week lifestlye where it is hard to distuinguish between those who have your best interests at heart and those who use you as a rung on a ladder. Enough frienemys to fill a truck up!!
Who knows what the future holds for this guy, maybe it will turn out to be the best thing he ever did, or maybe a much cheeper spa weekend in donegal would have done the trick !
xoxo
Are You For Serious
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